woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
