she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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