i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
