so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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