I think I died a long time ago.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
