Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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