Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
