New invention idea: vibrating tampons
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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