i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
