This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
