someone owes me an orgasm
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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