I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
