i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
