dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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