We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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