I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
