Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
