reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
