if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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