I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
