Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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