Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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