He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
