soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
