This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
