shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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