Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
