We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is my gift to your gina
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
