I just cut my nipple shaving
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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