I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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