I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
