i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
