I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
