Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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