He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
