is your mom at the bar?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
