Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
