there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
