I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
