I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
