My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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