; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
