Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize