My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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