we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
