Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
