Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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