I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
