i may or may not be watching the land before time
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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