She is in my trunk
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
