i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
