Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
