I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
