Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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