my phone needs a breathalizer
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
