Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
