When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
