She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
