Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So vagazzling was a success
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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