Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
