i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
