You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
