I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
