I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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