I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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