At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
