I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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