have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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