i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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