Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
