He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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