Sponge bath it is.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
