I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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