we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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