Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize