yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
