I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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